Cyberheinrich

By Christina Nordlander Concept by ChockaBlock The electronic signature pad turned his name to a stubby spatter of ink. The postman turned back and continued down the cul-de-sac between doll house-sized terraced flats in rain-dark red brick – home, now. Nicholas ended up standing there for a moment, feeling the early winter air stir his hair. It wasn’t freezing yet, just raw. The smell of wet soil and grass was the one you’d feel in spring. The package under his arm didn’t weigh more than its cardboard. The address was in dad’s rounded handwriting on a label with the words “HAPPY BIRTHDAY.” He went up to his bedroom and pushed the keyboard to the side to have room to tear off the wrapping. Inside was a gift box – glossy black with a glued grey bow, classy – and a birthday card with colourful balloons: To our favourite son: What can you give the guy who has everything? NOTHING. With hugs from mum, dad and Joanna! It wasn’t like them: sure, dad had told some cringe jokes, but would

A Simpsons fanfic by Christina Nordlander The Simpsons and all major characters in this story are the property of 20th Century Fox. * Okay, Janey, calm down. Jeez. She was sitting by the desk in her bedroom with the ceiling light switched on, a glaring yellow. Schoolbooks were spread across the desktop, but her focus was light-years away. She would barely have been able to understand the writing. Now and then, she glanced at her wristwatch with its cute pink leather strap. It was a bit from seven o’clock, and the event wasn’t going to start until half past seven. She just had to do her homework, then see if there was anything on TV, then maybe play a game, or see if any of her friends wanted to chat, then maybe – paint her nails? And before she knew it, the chance would have gone and she wouldn’t be tempted any more. Maybe a bit earlier, it would take at least half an hour to get there. She hunched over her math book – yeah, no, she checked her tablet. Lisa was still offline. Not

Christina Nordlander * There was a snap and crack on the forest path in front of me, and a woman forced her way between the branches. It must have shocked me. “It’s okay,” she said, waving one hand to make me relax. For something so important, I don’t remember much of her looks. Her long hair might have been lighter than average, her skin browner. I was fourteen and saw her as vaguely middle-aged, but in hindsight she can’t have been much over thirty. Windbreaker swishing against the twigs. She could have been anyone. She held a hiking backpack in khaki cloth. It hung as if there was something narrow and heavy inside. “This is going to sound like an odd question,” she said, “but have you fired a pistol?” She never asked for my name. It was a bit akin to the daydreams where I was recruited by some wizard or future warrior, but I must have realised, even then, that nothing like that was going to happen. She set the backpack down on the forest floor and pulled out a modern pistol

By Christina Nordlander Ever since her wedding, the Queen-Consort of the realm was called Queen Heavy-Heart, a name she had got for her grave mien's sake, as if virtue must always be beleaguered in a world where it is not native. But as she put her youth behind her, the name got the weight of truth, for she could feel the slow withering in her own body, like a fruit's putrefaction that has not yet reached the skin, and still she and her husband went childless and heirless. Now Queen Heavy-Heart sat at her work with an ebony sewing-hoop, in a window overlooking the side of the castle where the snow lay deep-driven and unmarred all the way to the dark of the forest. Her health faltered more than its wont that day, and when she happened to prick the tip of her finger, even though the pain was not great, it seemed for a moment as if the little silver sting were the beginning of her death. She felt a fleeting disorientation, and when she looked down from the window, the drop of blood had

A Simpsons fanfic by Christina Nordlander The Simpsons and all characters in this story are the property of 20th Century Fox * Terri had been wandering the streets until her knees and feet felt worn thin, and when she spotted a glimpse of neon and black glass across the dusky intersection, she thought “yeah, why not?” She was drinking age now. She’d had a bad taste at the back of her throat since the afternoon, booze might clean it out. The bar was even called The Flowing Tear Lounge. It was like a sign from God. The lounge smelt of vape juice and looked like being inside a fancy aquarium. Terri made her way up to the big counter thingy, trying to look like she had night club experience. She took a look at the day-glo orange drinks menu that was right below the ceiling for no obvious reason. Someone cleared a phlegmy-sounding throat. Terri looked back down at the barman. She recognised him, if only because nature wouldn’t have been so cruel to a baboon. “Aw, don’t act so

A Futurama fanfiction by Christina Nordlander Written for a Christmas request by Missy. Set immediately after the events of “A Bicyclops Built for Two”. Futurama and all characters in this story are the property of 20thCentury Fox and Comedy Central. * It was night over the Western hemisphere and the sparkling neuron cluster of New New York City by the time they made Earthfall. For a few minutes, Leela’s mind got to escape into the routine motions of navigating the aerial traffic and not crashing through any Advertrons. The roof of the Planet Express hangar purred shut above them, blocking out the sky. They disembarked, Leela at a few steps’ distance behind the others. She had to do her customary landing check-up, but she rushed it a bit this time. She emerged in the hangar, the light harsh, the air smelling of concrete and damp cardboard and whale oil. After the perpetual 68 degrees on board, a shudder raced all the way to her scalp. She bent to put the leash on Nibbler as he